resurse

Un tip era somer. Vede un anunt in ziar ca Gradina Zoologica din Baneasa cauta un ingrijitor. Se prezinta si directorul ii spune:
-Uite domnule cum sta treaba, noua ne-a murit gorila si era un punct de atractie pentru copii. Pana facem rost de alta, avem nevoie de un om sa se imbrace in pielea ei si sa se plimbe prin cusca. Ce zici? Te platesc bine.
Tipul accepta si totul e ok.

Dupa o saptamana il cheama directorul si-i spune.
-Daca te urci pe cusca, te cateri si sari prin copaci iti dublez salariul.
Se apuca tipul si incepe sa se agite, sa se catere, sa sara prin copaci si la un moment dat se rupe o craca si cade in cusca leului. O rupe la fuga strigand ca disperatul: ajutor, ajutor!!!

Leul dupa el:
-Taci bai pula si nu mai zbiera asa ca ne concediaza pe amandoi...

Americanii fura planurile unui avion rusesc. Aduna o echipa americana sa il reconstruiasca dupa planuri. Lucreaza astia ce lucreaza, sudeaza, lipesc din greu si in final le iese un tractor.
Conducerea e nemultumita si aduna o echipa de japonezi. Lucreaza si astia din greu, sudeaza, lipesc, asambleaza si dupa sfortari supraomenesti le iese un tractor.
Conducerea e disperata si aduna o echipa de romani. Intra romanii in treaba, sudeaza, lipesc, asambleaza si in final, le iese un avion.
Conducerea: Incredibil! Sintem impresionati de munca voastra, celorlalte echipa le-au iesit tractoare. Voi cum ati facut?
Romanii: Si noua tot tractor ne'a iesit, da' l-am luat la pila.

Fine
This is the word a woman uses at the end of any argument in which she feels she is right about but needs to shut you up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five Minutes
This is really half an hour. It is equivalent to the same "five minutes" that a football game is going to last before you take out the garbage. Nothing This really means, "You'd never understand." "Nothing" is usually accompanied by a woman's desire to turn you inside out, upside-down, and backwards. "Nothing" is often said prior to an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine."

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows)
This is not permission. This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine. Go Ahead (with normal eyebrows) This means, "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get the "Go Ahead" with raised eyebrows in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Loud Sigh
This is not actually a word, but is still a verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and is wondering why she is wasting her time arguing over "Nothing."

Soft Sigh
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. This means a woman is content and your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay,” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with the raised Eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

Thanks
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; simply say, "You're welcome." Thanks a lot This is much different than "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

(c) Radu Breban

"Salariu competitiv" înseamnã frecvent cã "Rãmânem competitivi, plãtind mai putin decât concurentii nostri!"

"Alãturã-te echipei noastre dinamice" vrea sã spunã, de fapt, cã "Nu avem timp sã te instruim, deci va trebui sã te descurci singur!"

"Tinuta obisnuitã " dã de înteles faptul cã "Nu te plãtim prea mult ca sã vii îmbrãcat la patru ace; totusi, sunt unii tipi mai îndrãzneti ce poartã cercei".

"Disponibilitate pentru program prelungit " înseamnã cã "Uneori: trebuie sã muncesti peste program; uneori în fiecare searã si uneori în fiecare week-end".

"Sarcini diferite" înseamnã cã " Oricine din birou îti poate cere socotealã si îti este Sef".
"Trebuie sã fii atent la orice amãnunt", adicã "Nu avem serviciu de control al calitãtii ".

"Dacã îti doresti, mai presus de orice, o carierã ..." dã de-înteles cã "femeile care solicitã un post nu trebuie sã aibã copii (si ar fi bine pentru ele sã rãmânã asa)".

"Interviul va fi personal si confidential" sau "Numai persoanele selectate vor fi contactate" înseamnã cã "Dacã esti bãtrânã, grasã si urâtã, ti se va spune cã postul s-a ocupat ".

"Cãutãm oameni cu experientã" înseamnã cã "Trebuie sã tii locul a trei persoane care au plecat".

"Bune abilitãti de comunicare", adicã "Sefii comunicã, tu asculti, încerci sã întelegi ce vor sã spunã, apoi executi si te rogi sã fie bine".

"Se cer abilitãti de conducere", adicã "vei avea responsabilitãtile unui Sef, însã bani ioc si respect deloc".

"Rezistentã la stres ", adicã "în firma este un haos perpetuu, iar tu va trebui sã te descurci singur!"